OUR Social Distance

We’re only 2 minutes away

But we’re also an ocean of words apart

Things should honestly stay that way

Because I wouldn’t even know where to start

We’re only right down the street

But the valley of emotions keeps us at bay

I can feel that distance shrinking

But it’ll still be awhile before we see that day

Do I want things to be this way?

Certainly not

If it were up to me: we’d still be US

A union of love, acceptance, growth and trust

But that’s not the reality of the situation

‘Cause our needs required full concentration

And all of our talks and conversations

Just led to perpetual frustration

So we have to continue OUR social distance

Like the world and its current state

No hang outs, no meet ups

And no texts or calls on special dates

I hope you notice my absence

But don’t let that stunt your growth

I’m praying for change and evolution

For you and me both

Don’t wait for me.

Because I’m not waiting for you.

Continue to remain free.

And I’ll do what I need to do.

But while you remain a valley away

And I continue to stay an ocean apart

I want you to know this:

You’re missing the best part

Struggling to Keep Up

The mind was the first to move on

It listened to my loved ones

And it observed every outcome

It was the first to know the truth: That she no longer belonged in my life

The body took a little while follow suit

But gone are its days of unintended fasting

Gone are its periods of sluggishness

And gone are its sleepless nights

But the heart

The poor, broken little heart

It took the brunt of hit

And it’s been out of whack ever since

It finds itself constantly playing catch up

An exhausting game filled with many highs and lows

Some days it’s running at full speed

And on others it’s dragging its feet

Some days it’s glad she’s gone

And it celebrates the freedom

But on some days it can’t bear the solitude

And it DEMANDS to go back

Some days it romanticizes

And fantasizes

And idealizes

About a bond that had no real compromises

But on other days it curses its naivety

It curses all the time it spent

Loving so hard and giving so much

Only for it never to be returned

On some days it’s hopeful

It believes it’ll find another

But on others it’s the opposite

It never wants to love again

If you’re reading this, my loved ones

I ask that you do me a favor:

Be patient with my little heart

Because I’m doing the same

It may take longer for it to catch up with its counterparts

And as much as you and I wish that weren’t the case

It is

My heart has to move at it’s own pace

And don’t you worry

Don’t you fret

My body and mind

Will keep  my little heart in check

High as a Kite

Did you see my anger?

Did you notice my pain?

Did you know because of my heartbreak,

I’ll never be the same?

I want to have so many pointless conversations.

But they would only add to my confusion.

The duality of my emotions and confessions.

Are only outdone by the millions of questions.

You just seemed to move on so quick.

And that made me sick to my stomach.

Your words landed on my brain like bricks.

And I wished mine did the same. I wish they clicked.

You didn’t get it and probably never will.

And that has me reeling and rolling still.

But even as my emotions spill and spill.

I have to admit I still haven’t had my fill.

As I closed in on your location.

My body was shaking.

My mind and heart were racing.

But that wouldn’t deter me from the high I was chasing.

And believe me: I was as high as a kite!

Tell me how something so wrong can feel so right!

I just wish that the moment could last all night!

You said “It’s not a good idea” and you were right.

You were warm, to my surprise.

But confusion sat in your eyes.

And when we spoke, tears flowed from mine.

And it made me realize.

That gone was the anger.

Gone was the pain.

I forgot that I was heartbroken.

But we’ll still never be the same.

To Be Human by Kamrin Johnson

If being human means going through heartbreak

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means letting go of loved ones

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human mean stepping out of your comfort zone

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means facing your demons

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means having those hard talks

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means falling on your face

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means dealing with hardship

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means missing that one person

Then I don’t want to be human

But if being human means healing

Appreciating the good times

Growth and improvement

Conquering your demons

A better understanding of people

Getting back up and trying again

Making it through your storms

And taking time to mourn

Then I guess being human isn’t that bad

Torrential Downpour by Kamrin Johnson

It’s been raining non stop since May

The clouds hang over everyday

When will the downpour end?

Because I’m sick and tired of this trend.

Sometimes they part and reveal a ray.

But even that can’t keep the droplets at bay.

Occasionally the clouds grow large and dark.

Anger and pain are their only hallmark.

These storms are violent and brash.

Lightning flashes and thunder crashes.

But these storms provide healing for my core

So I’ll continue to face this torrential downpour

Take Care by Kamrin Johnson

Take care of yourself

Your body, mind, heart and soul

It’s all essential

Take care of your health

You only get one body

And it needs love too

Take care of your mind

It’s truly a fragile thing

Neglect comes easy

Take care of your heart

Few deserve to cherish it

Fill it up with joy

Take care of the soul

Meditate, pray or reflect

Listen when it speaks

Take care of loved ones

They are there through thick and thin

Their love has no catch

“Side B” by Kamrin Johnson

Oh I’m the confused one?

No, try: I’m the abused one!

And I don’t mean to accuse,

But I felt pretty used hun’.

You told me I was in denial

But I felt like I lost something vital

And while you watched me spiral

You kept our relationship in idle

The crimson flags were glaringly bright

And I wish this wasn’t all hindsight

Misunderstandings stopped me from asserting myself

My lack of nerve got me put on a shelf

Your dodgieness made me draw a blank

I just didn’t know why you couldn’t be frank

I get you tried to save me from pain

But I felt strung along by your little game

Oh, and your heart of glass? 

That was already shattered

Bruised and beaten

 Battered and tattered

“I’ll fix it”, I said

“I’ll put that light back in your eyes and help make you whole!”

But that amount of compensation?

It ended up taking a toll

You were a heavy heart to carry

But I just couldn’t put you down

And if I wasn’t wary

I surely would have drowned

I just. Grew. Weary.

And so your eyes become teary

Which caused us to become dreary

And that gave me this theory:

To you, the bond was second

Because my fondness of you was a blessing

So of course you’d do whatever it took

To make sure you’d never lose your personal nook

What we had wasn’t a tie

Saying it was would feel like a lie

I felt more like your personal blanket

And each attempt to address that: you sank it

Your comfort and my affection

They required all of your protection

And with that came the perfection of neglect

That someone with less direction would take years to detect

But here’s some introspection:

I failed you. I hurt you. And I wasn’t always true

My lack of discipline made you feel like a shrew.

My emotions were Vesuvius

And you were like Pompeii

My mistakes were numerous

And you continued to pay

My apologies were abundant

Like the sand on the shore

And when I went to repent

I always thought I should do more

I gave it my all

And so did you

But we continued to fall

And there was nothing we could do

I won’t sit here and act like I didn’t do you a great disservice

But I guess my pride thinks I don’t really deserve this

Before I stop here

Let’s make one thing clear:

We’re not the villains of this story

That vile person is far from here

The bridge is not burned

It’s just closed for repairs

And I’m pretty sure “sorry”

Won’t cover either person’s fare

You may hate me

You may want to erase me

And you’ve probably gone and replaced me

But I can’t say that’s the case for me

Maybe once I’m a freeman

And you exercise your demons

We can give this thing another chance

But until then:

Je t’aime et, bonne chance

The Seven Inner Critics by Kamrin Johnson

Ah! The Perfectionist!

My least favorite of the seven

Her and I have been quite intimate, you know?

I always believe her lies

She knows I want success

She knows I hate failure

She knows how to use that all too well

The Inner Controller

He’s a tricky one.

At first he seemed like a friend

“Helping” me control my impulses.

But then his “guidance” became… overbearing

“Don’t eat this!” or “Don’t do that!”

It’s becoming too much

Mr. Taskmaster

He never lets me relax




All things he calls me

Maybe I’d work a little harder if he was little kinder

The Underminer has a strange way of keeping me safe

She hates to hear my heart break

She can’t stand to see me get hurt

So when she smells danger, she goes on the offense

Striking my confidence

Jabbing at my self esteem

Opportunities slip away when she’s involved

The worst is The Destroyer

And there’s a reason I believe this

Have you ever felt like not living?

Have you ever felt worthless?

Have you ever felt unbearable shame?

That his him going to work

And I avoid him at all costs

The Guilt Tripper capitalizes off of the others

She’s much more clever than her sisters and brothers

She feeds off of the doubt of my choices

And works best when she can hide in the sea of voices

Whether it be poor decision or an indecision

She executes her trip traps with utmost precision

I must tread lightly

The Molder is constantly mad at me

He wants me to fit in with what he believes is right

With the values I grew up with

 He believes his work of art isn’t finished yet

But you know what?

Neither is mine

And that’s just fine

Class I Biohazard by Kamrin Johnson

Failure’s kiss

It’s something that’s has grazed everyone’s lips

The kiss acts as a catalyst

And its effects are numerous

For some it activates the poison called doubt

It is a Class I biohazard  that starts in the mind

It eats away at hopes

And corrodes dreams

It rots aspirations

And impairs faith

Once the poison has run its course, the result is horrifying

The victim becomes rusted husk

An empty cocoon

A shell of what they once were

For others the catalyst does the opposite

It strengthens conviction