Side B – Track 2

That’s it

You’re done

Three strikes

And you’re out

PACK YOUR SHIT UP

And get the hell out

You lost your place in my heart

And you’re not getting it back

And no I don’t want you to “beg for me back”

Your words not mine

It hurts to know that even you think of me that way

And you say I’m the delusional one?

I wished I listened to you

I wished I heeded your warnings

Hope is such a foolish thing to possess

And I’m finally putting mine to rest

“Why?” you may ask.

“Surely I wasn’t that bad”

But you were and you are

And I refuse to be subject to that

First thing’s first:

I can’t trust a single sour word from your sweet lips

Hear me out for a second

I’ll explain

Your teeth weren’t steeped in falsehood like mine

They boasted half-truths and misdirection

And they excelled at deflection

A skill crafted to perfection

And that defense was complemented by phenomenal projection

Coupled with top of the line ejection

You could barely answer a single question

A trait reminiscent of our most recent election

And this flaw has no external correction

Rather lots of (and I mean lots) of reflection

And a hard fought battle

With your perpetual dejection

“I think I’m fine just the way I am”

HA! I forgot how funny you were!

I can’t argue with that notion

But I think you need to look a little closer

When my demons came up

When my skeletons came out

I casted them out

And I fought them back

I gave more effort than I really should’ve

To someone who didn’t want to do the same

And it’s really a fucking shame

Still don’t get it? Let me put it this way:

I DID MY FUCKING WORK

Where was yours?

It was WAY past the deadline

And I got tired of waiting

I just wanted to be your ride or die

But instead you left me out to dry and cry

And when I asked for a change

Well, you couldn’t be bothered to try

I have a query for you:

Do you KNOW what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t feel the same or care?

That kind of chemical warfare is TRULY too much bare

You violated the Geneva Conventions, but you don’t really care

Since I love you

I really hope you never have to feel what I felt

But maybe that’s what it’ll take

For you to get it through your head

I just wanted you to love me

Like how I loved you

Maybe not in the same way

But with the same fire and ferocity

So that’s it

You’re done

Three strikes

And you’re out

Pack your shit up

And get the hell out

You lost your place in my heart

And until the day you love me

You’re not getting it back

High as a Kite

Did you see my anger?

Did you notice my pain?

Did you know because of my heartbreak,

I’ll never be the same?

I want to have so many pointless conversations.

But they would only add to my confusion.

The duality of my emotions and confessions.

Are only outdone by the millions of questions.

You just seemed to move on so quick.

And that made me sick to my stomach.

Your words landed on my brain like bricks.

And I wished mine did the same. I wish they clicked.

You didn’t get it and probably never will.

And that has me reeling and rolling still.

But even as my emotions spill and spill.

I have to admit I still haven’t had my fill.

As I closed in on your location.

My body was shaking.

My mind and heart were racing.

But that wouldn’t deter me from the high I was chasing.

And believe me: I was as high as a kite!

Tell me how something so wrong can feel so right!

I just wish that the moment could last all night!

You said “It’s not a good idea” and you were right.

You were warm, to my surprise.

But confusion sat in your eyes.

And when we spoke, tears flowed from mine.

And it made me realize.

That gone was the anger.

Gone was the pain.

I forgot that I was heartbroken.

But we’ll still never be the same.

To Be Human by Kamrin Johnson

If being human means going through heartbreak

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means letting go of loved ones

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human mean stepping out of your comfort zone

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means facing your demons

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means having those hard talks

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means falling on your face

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means dealing with hardship

Then I don’t want to be human

If being human means missing that one person

Then I don’t want to be human

But if being human means healing

Appreciating the good times

Growth and improvement

Conquering your demons

A better understanding of people

Getting back up and trying again

Making it through your storms

And taking time to mourn

Then I guess being human isn’t that bad

Torrential Downpour by Kamrin Johnson

It’s been raining non stop since May

The clouds hang over everyday

When will the downpour end?

Because I’m sick and tired of this trend.

Sometimes they part and reveal a ray.

But even that can’t keep the droplets at bay.

Occasionally the clouds grow large and dark.

Anger and pain are their only hallmark.

These storms are violent and brash.

Lightning flashes and thunder crashes.

But these storms provide healing for my core

So I’ll continue to face this torrential downpour

Take Care by Kamrin Johnson

Take care of yourself

Your body, mind, heart and soul

It’s all essential

Take care of your health

You only get one body

And it needs love too

Take care of your mind

It’s truly a fragile thing

Neglect comes easy

Take care of your heart

Few deserve to cherish it

Fill it up with joy

Take care of the soul

Meditate, pray or reflect

Listen when it speaks

Take care of loved ones

They are there through thick and thin

Their love has no catch

“Side B” by Kamrin Johnson

Oh I’m the confused one?

No, try: I’m the abused one!

And I don’t mean to accuse,

But I felt pretty used hun’.

You told me I was in denial

But I felt like I lost something vital

And while you watched me spiral

You kept our relationship in idle

The crimson flags were glaringly bright

And I wish this wasn’t all hindsight

Misunderstandings stopped me from asserting myself

My lack of nerve got me put on a shelf

Your dodgieness made draw a blank

I just didn’t know why you couldn’t be frank

I get you tried to save me from pain

But I felt strung along by your little game

Oh, and your heart of glass? 

That was already shattered

Bruised and beaten

 Battered and tattered

“I’ll fix it”, I said

“I’ll put that light back in your eyes and help make you whole!”

But that amount of compensation?

It ended up taking a toll

You were a heavy heart to carry

But I just couldn’t put you down

And if I wasn’t wary

I surely would have drowned

I just. Grew. Weary.

And so your eyes become teary

Which caused us to become dreary

And that gave me this theory:

To you, the bond was second

Because my fondness of you was a blessing

So of course you’d do whatever it took

To make sure you’d never lose your personal nook

What we had wasn’t a tie

Saying it was would feel like a lie

I felt more like your personal blanket

And each attempt to address that: you sank it

Your comfort and my affection

They required all of your protection

And with that came the perfection of neglect

That someone with less direction would take years to detect

But here’s some introspection:

I failed you. I hurt you. And I wasn’t always true

My lack of discipline made you feel like a shrew.

My emotions were Vesuvius

And you were like Pompeii

My mistakes were numerous

And you continued to pay

My apologies were abundant

Like the sand on the shore

And when I went to repent

I always thought I should do more

I gave it my all

And so did you

But we continued to fall

And there was nothing we could do

I won’t sit here and act like I didn’t do you a great disservice

But I guess my pride thinks I don’t really deserve this

Before I stop here

Let’s make one thing clear:

We’re not the villains of this story

That vile person is far from here

The bridge is not burned

It’s just closed for repairs

And I’m pretty sure “sorry”

Won’t cover either person’s fare

You may hate me

You may want to erase me

And you’ve probably gone and replaced me

But I can’t say that’s the case for me

Maybe once I’m a freeman

And you exercise your demons

We can give this thing another chance

But until then:

Je t’aime et, bonne chance

The Seven Inner Critics by Kamrin Johnson

Ah! The Perfectionist!

My least favorite of the seven

Her and I have been quite intimate, you know?

I always believe her lies

She knows I want success

She knows I hate failure

She knows how to use that all too well

The Inner Controller

He’s a tricky one.

At first he seemed like a friend

“Helping” me control my impulses.

But then his “guidance” became… overbearing

“Don’t eat this!” or “Don’t do that!”

It’s becoming too much

Mr. Taskmaster

He never lets me relax

Lazy

 Stupid

Incompetent

All things he calls me

Maybe I’d work a little harder if he was little kinder

The Underminer has a strange way of keeping me safe

She hates to hear my heart break

She can’t stand to see me get hurt

So when she smells danger, she goes on the offense

Striking my confidence

Jabbing at my self esteem

Opportunities slip away when she’s involved

The worst is The Destroyer

And there’s a reason I believe this

Have you ever felt like not living?

Have you ever felt worthless?

Have you ever felt unbearable shame?

That his him going to work

And I avoid him at all costs

The Guilt Tripper capitalizes off of the others

She’s much more clever than her sisters and brothers

She feeds off of the doubt of my choices

And works best when she can hide in the sea of voices

Whether it be poor decision or an indecision

She executes her trip traps with utmost precision

I must tread lightly

The Molder is constantly mad at me

He wants me to fit in with what he believes is right

With the values I grew up with

 He believes his work of art isn’t finished yet

But you know what?

Neither is mine

And that’s just fine

Class I Biohazard by Kamrin Johnson

Failure’s kiss

It’s something that’s has grazed everyone’s lips

The kiss acts as a catalyst

And its effects are numerous

For some it activates the poison called doubt

It is a Class I biohazard  that starts in the mind

It eats away at hopes

And corrodes dreams

It rots aspirations

And impairs faith

Once the poison has run its course, the result is horrifying

The victim becomes rusted husk

An empty cocoon

A shell of what they once were

For others the catalyst does the opposite

It strengthens conviction

Invasive Species by Kamrin Johnson


There’s a beast roaming around

We’ve all come across them

And some of you, myself included, have been victims of their attacks

The moment you awaken, they prepare their attack

One appears and surveys its prey like a lion

Looking for points of weakness

They’re omnipresent and observant, so keep your wits about you

This is the best time to prevent tragedy from unfolding

Shoo them away or yet acknowledge them and go about your day

They hate this the most

If the beast finds that its prey is weak, it calls for the rest of its pack

But do not fret as their hunt can still be stopped

The methods above will suffice

But beware, assistance from a loved one may be required

But some victims are not as strong or as lucky

Their defenses may not be as reliable as others

Their strength may not enough

More members begin to arrive because of this

As the pack’s numbers continue to rise, so does the danger they present

Their tactics shift from passive ever so slightly to aggressive

They begin to prod and poke

Gnawing away at the weaknesses found

Little by little they whittle and whittle

By this point their prey starts to succumb to the blood loss

Vital organs begin to fail

Bodily functions start shutting down

At this point the victim is incapacitated

Their ability to defend themself is almost gone

Assistance is not only welcomed, it’s required

But some victims are not as strong or as lucky

The pack returns to the shadows once they’ve had their fill

The victim, alone and aching

They are left poisoned and open to future attacks

And attack they will

You see, this was only the beginning of the beast’s cycle

They will keep attacking the weakened prey

Each attack more successful than the last

“What are these beasts?” you may ask

And why are they so dangerous

They are our thoughts

Intrusive yet Unobtrusive

Passive yet Aggressive

Repulsive yet Beautiful

Innocent and dangerous