“Side B” by Kamrin Johnson

Oh I’m the confused one?

No, try: I’m the abused one!

And I don’t mean to accuse,

But I felt pretty used hun’.

You told me I was in denial

But I felt like I lost something vital

And while you watched me spiral

You kept our relationship in idle

The crimson flags were glaringly bright

And I wish this wasn’t all hindsight

Misunderstandings stopped me from asserting myself

My lack of nerve got me put on a shelf

Your dodgieness made draw a blank

I just didn’t know why you couldn’t be frank

I get you tried to save me from pain

But I felt strung along by your little game

Oh, and your heart of glass? 

That was already shattered

Bruised and beaten

 Battered and tattered

“I’ll fix it”, I said

“I’ll put that light back in your eyes and help make you whole!”

But that amount of compensation?

It ended up taking a toll

You were a heavy heart to carry

But I just couldn’t put you down

And if I wasn’t wary

I surely would have drowned

I just. Grew. Weary.

And so your eyes become teary

Which caused us to become dreary

And that gave me this theory:

To you, the bond was second

Because my fondness of you was a blessing

So of course you’d do whatever it took

To make sure you’d never lose your personal nook

What we had wasn’t a tie

Saying it was would feel like a lie

I felt more like your personal blanket

And each attempt to address that: you sank it

Your comfort and my affection

They required all of your protection

And with that came the perfection of neglect

That someone with less direction would take years to detect

But here’s some introspection:

I failed you. I hurt you. And I wasn’t always true

My lack of discipline made you feel like a shrew.

My emotions were Vesuvius

And you were like Pompeii

My mistakes were numerous

And you continued to pay

My apologies were abundant

Like the sand on the shore

And when I went to repent

I always thought I should do more

I gave it my all

And so did you

But we continued to fall

And there was nothing we could do

I won’t sit here and act like I didn’t do you a great disservice

But I guess my pride thinks I don’t really deserve this

Before I stop here

Let’s make one thing clear:

We’re not the villains of this story

That vile person is far from here

The bridge is not burned

It’s just closed for repairs

And I’m pretty sure “sorry”

Won’t cover either person’s fare

You may hate me

You may want to erase me

And you’ve probably gone and replaced me

But I can’t say that’s the case for me

Maybe once I’m a freeman

And you exercise your demons

We can give this thing another chance

But until then:

Je t’aime et, bonne chance

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